Cultivating Wonder

Discussing (arguing over) what type of animal dug the hole they had just discovered. Raccoon or snake. I didn't realize raccoons dug holes, but my animal enthusiast informed me it's true, and upon doing my research I found he's in fact correct.

Flooded path. "Mom, take a picture that makes it look like we're stuck on an island!" I didn't quite succeed at that, but thought you should know their vision!

Oh my, how I am going to miss these days years from now.

I have been looking so forward to summer and all it allows. I leave lots of time unplanned and empty intentionally for them to create and build and do some work and play with friends, or just be bored. (When anyone comes to me and says they are bored my answer has always been, "Awesome! What are you going to do about it?!" They have learned by now this is what they're going to hear so I don't get that complaint too much anymore. If they do persist in their boredom, though, I have a few good jobs I dole out.)

But I also build in a good amount of planned (though usually spontaneous) adventures, typically free and outdoors. That's our favorite. I study Google map overviews of wooded parts of our neighborhood and surrounding areas to find paths and hikes and we have the best time exploring. For a variety of reasons, we aren't able to travel for the most part this summer but our almost daily hikes transport me to mountain paths in Colorado in seconds. I get my fix. It's awesome. It's not perfect, lest you be deceived by the photos. It's usually super humid and there are mosquitoes and you can count on a few complaints along the way, but it always just feels so good for our souls.

I find that being out in nature affords so many opportunities for great conversations about beauty, creation, and the magnitude of God. We talk about perseverance and strength almost every time we are out because we are usually pushing ourselves physically. The kids ask questions about bugs and animals and streams and plants and then we come home and look them up if we don’t know the answer.

The other day after a hike that included a few wrong turns (the big boys were convinced in a very dramatic way we were lost), we had a great talk on the drive home about how like life the walk was. Things don’t always go as planned, you might get a bit off track, but you keep pushing forward and do the hard work to stay the course.

In any picture you see, there's a fourth child just outside the frame that I'm not permitted to show per understandable foster care rules. And for any picture you see, there are a million other pieces of life that are beautiful and difficult that aren't documented. (Such is social media!)

One of my children who shall remain nameless but not photoless deconstructs all things, all day.  Some of his current obsessions include "cooking" with all the silverware, and watching the water run down the refrigerator front, and then "cleaning up" the water with all the clean dishtowels. This can all go down in about 15 seconds, like while I'm trying to change a diaper in the next room. Then I run in because I hear the drawers opening and he looks up and says, "Sorry, Mom" with a big smile, and it's a good thing he's so darn sweet.  I have never had a child like this one and he amazes and baffles me constantly.  He is so unique and so awesome, and has been through more difficult circumstances in his short life than many grown-ups. I'm excited to see what's in store for him.

Anyway, this little buddy seems to be in his element when we are out on a path in the middle of nature, or when he can plop down in sand or dirt somewhere and dig.  The calming effect of God's creation is a marvelous thing. 

So that's where we head most days. 

“The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.”  -Einstein

“Look at everything always as though you were seeing it either for the first or last time: Thus is your time on earth filled with glory.”  -A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

I see it as such an amazing privilege to have the opportunity to experience wonder with my children- not through extravagant purchases or grand vacations- it doesn't require any of that, though those things can be fun too. I'm sure there are many ways to cultivate wonder with one's children, but right now in my season of life it looks a lot like this: Seeing beauty in the small things everyday, the pleasant and unpleasant alike.  It comes through exploring together- exploring the world right around us and exploring what's deep in our hearts, exploring who God is, what the Bible says, and exploring the greatest ways we can look beyond ourselves and love others extravagantly.

Availability

I love reading about Jesus’s life of care and compassion. His leadership style is fascinating.

During his lifetime he constantly made himself available to those in need around him. He took moments away by himself to rest and pray, but even then folks sometimes followed him. He had compassion on them. He didn’t tell them to go away, but instead spent time with them. He knew that the people needed to know Love and Forgiveness. He knew that He had LIFE to offer.

This availability and compassion inspire me in parenting. But they also teach me about His attentiveness and kindness towards me. He is always available to restore in weariness and weakness and emptiness. Always.

When “It’s just a season” Doesn't Cut It

I really, really enjoy being with my kids. I think they are wonderful and I tell them so often.

I cherish these days.

Except when they are fighting or complaining, or screaming because they are a baby, or when all four are talking/yelling at me at once or when someone regresses in their sleep habits, or hits their brother….and then I don’t cherish that so much. That’s just hard. But hard isn’t always bad.

I told my husband recently that within an hour’s time during the day with our children I can go from a euphoric, “Life couldn’t get any better than this!” to a despairing, “How am I going to survive this?!” and they are both completely legitimate and true feelings in the moment. Anyone relate?

I know, it’s a season. Babies don’t keep. The mealtime manners will improve and they will one day want to get up at noon rather than 5:15am, and perhaps they’ll even do their own laundry.

My husband did the bedtime routine with all the kids the other night because he is my hero, and I went out running.

The lyrics to this song as I ran were so good after a difficult stretch of afternoon with a couple of my little ones. I wasn’t upset with them, I was frustrated with my own heart’s response to them. (click play for song)

"Here's my heart Lord

Speak what is true

'Cause I am found,

I am Yours

I am loved,

I'm made pure

I have life,

I can breathe

I am healed,

I am free

Here's my heart Lord

Here's my heart Lord

Here's my heart Lord

Speak what is true"

And I remembered once again that I don’t want to just survive through a season with hopes of something easier in the future. Seasons ebb and flow and come and go but there is no promise that while I’m here on earth that I will move into an easy, smooth-sailing stretch. Some things will get easier, but other things will become more difficult.

Since my older boys were very little I have quoted these words from Jesus, “I have told you these things so that in me you will have peace. In this world you will have trouble, but take heart. I have overcome the world.”

There’s no keeping them from hardship, so I want them to know where to go when it comes.

I can offer God each day, each moment. Here’s my heart Lord. Speak what is true.

These foundations remain unchanging and, at the end of the day, it’s really all I need: I am found, I am yours, I am loved, I’m made pure.

I have life, I have can breathe, I am healed, I am free.

And the even more encouraging piece for me is next in the song:

“Cause YOU are strong, You are sure

You are life, You endure

You are good, always true

You are light breaking through.”

That’s powerful. God is unchanging, with love more faithful than the rising sun.

So, be it a season, or just be it life, I find the best and truest peace and rest and JOY only in Him, despite the circumstance. And that’s a lot more comforting to me than waiting around for the season to change.

P.S. Did I mention my husband is my hero? He is. Marriage isn't perfect. It is sacrifice and humility and apologizing and forgiveness. Over and over. And there is no one else in the world I'd rather do all this with. We only grow closer as we navigate these ever-changing seasons together. I love life with him.